Laxity is about our soul
The Gospel reading about the healing of the paralytic takes us deep into the recesses of our own soul. The story of how Christ healed a paralyzed man compels us to reflect on the paralysis of our own inner being.
We are burdened with fear, pain, and despair. We grumble against God, complaining about life. The values of this world deceived us in our youth and continue to deceive us in old age. The world drains us with meaningless fuss, chaotic thinking, and drags us toward filthy pleasures. But the greatest manifestation of this inner paralysis is found in our prayer.
We resemble a man trying to carry water in a sieve; a circus performer balancing on a tightrope.
Such a mind clings obsessively to any and all information. For it, reading about God is more important than truly encountering Him. Everything that distracts us from salvation is the devil's hook, catching us in the current of a scattered life. Everything we have grown attached to while forgetting God is likewise a demonic deception. Better to encounter God once in truth than to spend a lifetime reading and preaching about Him. Our sluggishness and weakness only drive us to seek “comfort” in entertainment.
If we neglect this condition and fail to struggle against it, things will only grow worse. Blame, resentment, accusations, and discontent toward others will begin to take root. The paralyzed soul will blame everyone and everything – except itself. Hostility and judgment will become a way of life, especially toward those who stir up irritation. Envy will disguise itself under the veil of supposed injustice.
The lax soul does not know how to serve others. It is unfamiliar with sacrificial love, for it loves only itself.
Selfishness and judgment of others will fuel the desire to lavish reproaches and criticisms. If such a person is corrected, he takes offense and refuses to accept the critique.
It is hard to escape this state. How do we learn to calmly accept all people and all circumstances as they are, and not as our egoism wants them to be? The devil dwells where the ego reigns, for ego is the guide of the mind through the boundless mirages of life – where only the wind of sorrow and hopelessness roams. But if the paralyzed soul finds the strength to overcome the fear of its inner tyrant – egoism – it will attain great selflessness and resolve to break free from its passions forever. All our life's torments are rooted in pride, which keeps us from beholding God directly. Despondency and despair are constant companions of the paralyzed soul, and weak faith becomes its personal demon.
Yet once the soul understands that grace is the foundation of salvation, it will stop seeking support in its ego and begin seeking it in Christ.
The root of human weakness is lack of faith, and it can only be torn out by prayer. To oppose weak faith, we must summon courage – and that courage will lead us toward the house of spiritual freedom.
The lax soul must come to hate its own weakness. If we can learn to desire salvation for all – even our bitterest enemies – to rejoice in the success of those we dislike, to keep our composure in temptation and not lose heart in our falls, then grace will be drawn out of any life situation. To begin, we must train ourselves to have an even attitude toward all people and place prayer at the center of our lives.
Dreams are a cunning demon enslaving the lax soul. Distraction is a sly magician poisoning it with wandering thoughts. Seductive ideas are wolves in sheep’s clothing. All of these are the names of our enemies disguised as friends. Our only true Friend and Savior is Christ. These enemies force us to live in the past or fear the future, while salvation lies in the here and now. For the Lord looks upon you with love at this very moment – and no other. He looks at you with the desire to give you His eternity – but you are too busy to notice.
